Two days ago, I issued a warning. Now I've made my decision. It's time to disband the defense team.
I have a lot to say, but right at the start I should apologize. I realize I wasn't the best client. None of you could have foreseen the way I'd call in the middle of the night, just a little tipsy, to chat about our case or occasionally just to rant. Remember, I was once a big firm defense lawyer myself. I know what it's like when the client forgets you have other cases or becomes rude and dismissive just because he's paying the bills. I know I was a thorn in your side. I know Professor Bainbridge wasn't thrilled when I asked him to carry my briefcase. Ted Frank is probably still upset about my comment during that first conference call to "Shut up and listen for a change."
But it works both ways. Did I mention I was once a defense lawyer? When I worked at this defense firm, I was a master at making the client think he was always right, even when he obviously wasn't. That's why these past few days, I've taken your compliments with a grain of salt. Remember during the second conference call when Walter Olson said that of all the shining lights in the chandelier of the plaintiffs' bar, I was the one who shined most brightly? I smiled, I felt good--but I knew it was all bullshit. Even though it may have been true.
Anyway, I want you to know that you guys are the best, even those of you who tried so valiantly to ignore your appointment to my defense team. And our European bully? Let him take his best shot. I've learned more from you guys in the past week than I've learned during my entire legal career. I'll take him down myself with one hand tied behind my back. (And at a savings of approximately 6,200%.)
Bring it on.