I just arrived home in time to see Al being taken away in handcuffs. Even with his hands behind his back, he managed to flip me off. But the kids are fine and so is Andrea. (She’s on the phone with Fidelity, changing our account numbers.)
I really apologize for this mess. I was hoping Al would be a little less than “ordinary,” but I was expecting too much. Once he’s freed on bail, he’ll be returning to the obscurity of his anonymous blog, where the publication of his private thoughts won’t hurt anyone, no matter how mean-spirited or outrageous or just plain boring he chooses to be. I think it’s best that way.
We’ll resume our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. I’m going to keep Al’s posts up as a testament to my stupidity, but I’m going to hide most of them in “continuation” pages.
I probably don’t need to say it, but Al’s been fired as our yardman.
I have a feeling my last post is going to get me in trouble. Before I have my guest-blogging privileges revoked on Evan's "ordinary blog day," I want to post a little about politics and my health.
Politically, I'm a Republican. (Bush man all the way, hate Sadaam, glad we went into Iraq, don't care if we ever find WMDs.) As for my health: it's not the best. Last month, I was diagnosed with hypertension (high blood pressure). But medication is supposedly controlling it. I'm also trying to "lay off the bottle," as they say.
So I was thinking you probably want to know a little more about my musical tastes and the food I like to eat. My favorite band is here. As for my favorite food – hold on, the phone’s ringing . . .
Bad news. That was Evan’s secretary on the phone, relaying a message from court. He was using the judge’s computer to check this blog and . . . Well, he’s mad because I wrote in the last post that I’m not going to use the topics he gave me. He’s afraid I’m going to “embarrass him” by “boring you.”
Well, well . . . I guess it’s turning out that Evan’s no different than every other lawyer I know. Just thinking about it is making my face burn. He thinks I’m going to “bore you”—man oh man.
Evan suggested a bunch of topics for me, but this is the only one I’m going to use.
For the past few weeks, he’s had me reading law-related weblogs. I’m really drawn to this one (but I want a photo of the author, please, not just the drawing in the funky pants); this one has a plot, with all the good stuff about the screenplay; this one just makes me miss my little babies, which were taken from me by the goddamned divorce court.
All the other "blawgs" on the list Evan gave me are unbelievably boring. To be frank, except for Evan, I can’t stand lawyers. Why would I want to read their blogs?
Oh, and can’t forget this: This has been a production of Ordinary Blog Day. The views expressed in this guest post are not necessarily those of blawg’s owner. If you are unhappy with the quality of the guest blogger’s posts, please amuse yourself here.
In Evan’s last post, he introduced me a bit already: Yes, I’m 42 (actually 43, just had a birthday). Yes, I’m divorced. Yes, I’m a computer programmer looking for work.
If you’re wondering how Evan and I met--Well, I did some computer work for his law firm, then that kind of went haywire (most of his computers are junk, actually), so I started doing some yard work for his wife. That’s worked out really well. I like Evan’s wife, his kids; nice family. And a nice yard too!
Anyway, completely out of the blue, we discovered we had weblogs in common. I usually post anonymously on blogger.com. I need to hide my identity since I do a lot of blogging about my ex-wife and and our past problems and if things break down again between us—as in name-calling, fist-fighting, protective orders, etc.—I don’t want any stupid lawyers snooping around in my private thoughts. Today, though, I promised Evan I’d keep it clean and level-headed. (In my usual state, I have a temper.)
Tomorrow will be "Ordinary Blog Day" at the Legal Underground. This will give me a chance to turn the site over to an ordinary blogger of a type you'll instantly recognize from your busy blog-surfing.
His name is Al. He's 42, divorced, and definitely not a lawyer. Tomorrow while I'm busy in court, he'll be sitting in front of my computer at home. I didn't need to give Al much instruction. He already has a blogger site of his own (anonymous, so I can't link), plus he's an Access programmer and very "computer literate." He's currently unemployed, sorry to say, but looking.
Al leans a little more to the right than I do, is enthusiastic about life, and will be a welcome change of pace on this blawg. I spoke to Al just a few minutes ago, and he's really looking forward to telling you about himself on "Ordinary Blog Day." Of course, all typos and grammatical errors will be Al's, so don't bother copyediting the blawg until I'm back on Thursday.
Since Dr. Rangel and I seem to have nothing in common, I propose a Legal Underground Duel. On April 5, if my challenge is accepted, we'll exchange competing views in two fully-loaded posts on our own blogs. Dr. Rangel can choose the topic from the following list:
1. Lawsuits Against Doctors: Are They Ever Justified?
2. Why We Should (Should Not) Kill All the Trial Lawyers.
3. The American Tort System: Is It Broken, And If So, How Can It Be Fixed?
Links within the 150-word posts are encouraged. A 100-word response can be posted by each participant three days after the original posts. The winner will be determined based on the responses in the comments (if Dr. Rangel will agree to turn his on).
So wadd’ya say, Dr. Rangel? I know you’re busy painting your garage, but you’ve been at it for more than a week. Entertainment like this can’t wait! (If your answer is "yes," please respond by Friday at high noon.)