Exp. Lawyer: Here’s why I like overlawyered.com: they call a spade a spade. Listen, kid, I know about lawyers. They're a bunch of crooks. Not me, of course. But all the rest. I’ll give it to you straight. Overlawyered tells the truth about lawyers. That’s why it’s my favorite website. I mean, except for any website offering free porn.
Law Student: Funny you should mention porn. That’s what my professor calls overlawyered: porn for right-wingers. Nothing but over-the-top titillation and cheap thrills, is what he says. Exaggerated stories made to seem the norm, all for the purpose of getting a rise out of readers.
Exp. Lawyer: Your law professor said that? What do law professors know about anything?
Law Student: As much as the rest of us, at least.
Exp. Lawyer: They don’t know half of what I know. And I know about lawyers, especially the ones who file lawsuits. They’re dishonest, they’re greedy as hell, they’re a plague on society, they don’t care about nothing but their goddamn boats and their goddamn private jets.
Law Student: You’ve been around the block. More than once, in fact. How many plaintiffs' lawyers like that do you know personally? Lawyers who have a passion for an airplane, but who lack a passion for their clients or their clients' problems?
Exp. Lawyer: What’s "knowing personally" got to do with anything? I read about them on overlawyered! And when I do, you know what I think about? Tort reform! I think, “Our country needs some tort reform!” And Republicans in the White House for another hundred years!
Law student: I get the point. Please stop shaking your finger at me. Let me ask you this: Would you ever file a lawsuit if you were hurt as a result of someone else’s negligence?
Exp. Lawyer: “Negligence.” Big word for such a young guy. If it was just an accident, hell no I wouldn’t sue. Say it was my own mother, sick with heart disease caused by a diet pill. Say the drug company knew about the problem but didn't warn about it. You think I’d represent her? Even though in that case, she'd probably have grounds? No, I wouldn’t sue. See, kid, it’s all about personal responsibility. “Mom,” I’d tell her, “that’s too bad about your leaky heart valve and all—but what in the hell were you doing taking diet pills!” You understand, kid? Personal responsibility.
Law Student: You say you wouldn’t sue. But have you ever—I mean, in a case that didn’t involve an injury?
Exp. Lawyer: Leave it to a law student to cross-examine me. But now that you ask—Yes, I have sued. I own a lot of businesses. Gobs and gobs of businesses. And sometimes I got to sue in order to protect what’s mine. Understand?
Law Student: So you don’t have a problem with a business taking advantage of the law in order to right a wrong?
Exp. Lawyer: Kid, you crack me up. Of course I don’t! If that were a problem, you’d be reading about it on overlawyered. And you’re not! That's because big companies always do right, kid. The bigger, the better. Case closed.