Advice to Families of Lawyers #2

Dear Mr. Schaeffer:

I’ve never doubted that I’m much prettier than my younger sister. My cheekbones are more pronounced, my chest is larger, and my eyes are a darker shade of blue. If I have any flaw at all, it’s my nose. That’s why I went to a doctor to get it fixed.

What a mistake! The doctor was in a hurry and botched the job. Now my nose lists slightly to the right, especially when I’ve been on my feet all day. (I’m a waitress.) As for my sister, she went to law school and is now a personal injury lawyer who drives a Porsche. In my opinion, she’s more than qualified to sue my doctor. But she refuses to do it unless I agree to give her sixty percent of my recovery.

Her fee request seems outrageous. It was my nose, not hers. What do you think?

Signed, Being Rooked in Reno

Dear Being Rooked:

Suing a doctor for a nose job gone awry is a complicated legal matter. Even so, I agree with you that sixty percent seems a little high, even for a personal injury lawyer with “all the extras.”

Most likely, your sister’s fee request is a strategy meant to discourage you from filing suit. If this is the case, there are two explanations: either your sister believes your nose is fine, or she thinks it’s crooked but doesn’t care because she’s fed up with you as a sister.

As you’ve explained the facts to me, either of these possibilities seems just as likely as the other. To find out the answer, you should choose another lawyer out of the Yellow Pages. If he refuses to take your case, it means your nose is fine. It also means your sister made things difficult for you not out of spite, but because she didn’t think you were damaged enough to sue. The bad news will be if the Yellow Pages lawyer agrees to take your case. Then you have the twin problems of a crooked nose and a sister who’s so fed up with you she doesn’t care.

If this is your problem, you should admit to your sister that in light of your crooked nose, she’s now the more beautiful sister. It doesn’t matter whether you believe it or not—just say it. Charmed by your sudden humility, your sister will lower her fee to a more reasonable forty percent, and the two of you can battle the incompetent doctor as a team. After you’ve received a just recovery, you can have your nose reshaped into the glorious appendage you originally imagined.

By carefully following this advice, you’ll end up with a serviceable nose and a happy sister, no matter what the reason she originally set her fee at sixty percent. All your problems will be solved—solved, that is, until it’s time for you to have a facelift.

Your friend, Evan Schaeffer

Related posts:

1. Advice to Families of Lawyers #1 (A Dad Gone Crazy)

2. Advice to Young Lawyers #8 (Is This Associate a Killer?)

3. The "Advice" Category--all previous advice posts

Comments

[David Giacalone]

That old wet blanketeer edthicalEsq might say: If sister Lawyer fully informed her client of all relevant facts and factors (as required for good ethical practice), we wouldn't have to guess why she wants 60%.

It's good to see that 60% sounds a little bit high to a jaded p/i expert from Mad. County.

[Evan]

David: Jaded? I assume you mean "eminently experienced" as opposed to "cynically callous"? (By the way, I took the liberty of deleting one of your two identical comments--the duplicate seems to be a problem with my host, Typepad.)