As I said yesterday, the comments to this excellent post by the Curmudgeonly Clerk were so witty and entertaining that I think some of the commenters deserve awards.
If you haven’t taken the time to read the comments, that’s your own fault. Go ahead and read them now if you must, but in the meantime, I have some awards to present.
- Best Use of His Own Identity . . . goes to Ted Frank, who as far as I can tell, was the only commenter brave enough to say something substantive from this side of the wall of anonymity.
- Most Stalwart Defender of Starbucks Coffee . . . goes to Mr. Poon, who said to Ted Frank: “I fail to see what Starbucks has to do with it.” Unfortunately, this didn't persuade Ted about the non-relevance of Starbucks coffee to the McDonald's coffee case.
- Most Heartfelt Expression of Contempt for Plaintiffs’ Lawyers . . . goes to Ted Frank, who flatly declared, “[T]he plaintiffs' bar regularly lies.” (Warning: quote taken slightly out of context to increase its funniness-quotient. Come to think of it, this warning should be understood to apply to all the quotes in this post.)
- Most Heartfelt Expression of Contempt for ATLA . . . goes to Ted Frank, who wrote, "The claim that the sweatpants exacerbated Liebeck's injuries comes directly from the ATLA propaganda sheet on the subject” (emphasis added).
- Most Knowledgeable about Coffee Makers . . . goes to Ted Frank, who wrote, “The higher-quality coffee-makers sold on Starbucks's website for home-use heat the coffee to 205 degrees, making it clearly capable of being served at the McDonald's temperature.”
- Best Use of Sarcasm . . . goes to the commenter "Taint," who wrote to Ted Frank, “The founding fathers did not intend the commoners to have access to the courts, because, by nature, their injuries ARE their fault.”
- Best Impersonation of Jesus in the Temple with the Money-Changers . . . goes to The Curmudgeonly Clerk, who swooped down on the commenters and declared, “I am chagrined to see that my post has somehow devolved into a discussion of ATLA's position on the Liebeck suit. Given the length and thoroughness of what I wrote, it would be nice if tort reformers got around to dissecting my post rather than hammering away at the American Trial Lawyer's Association.”
- Best Line I’m Most Likely to Steal for Use in Comment-Wars of My Own . . . goes to The Curmudgeonly Clerk, who wrote to Ted Frank, "[Y]ou continuously insinuate that no one can make a principled case for Liebeck and that all those who defend it are schills for the plaintiffs' bar.”
- Best Use of Unusual Law-Inspired Blogging Jargon . . . goes to The Curmudgeonly Clerk, who wrote to Ted Frank, "I think that you are something of an 'eggshell blogger.' This isn't the first time that you have struck a pose of being terribly offended where this topic is concerned.”
- Most Insensitive to the Feelings of College Girls . . . goes to Taint, who wrote to Ted Frank, "What you are able to, however, do is tell the world that you are 'offended' when someone dares question your viewpoint. This might cut it for college girls but amongst lawyers it is even worse than telling a judge that the resolution is 'obvious.'”
- Best Example of the Mysterious Power and Ease-of-Use of Hypertext . . . goes to Ted Frank, who wrote, "Taint, I don't know why it's so difficult for you to click my name and find my website. Really now.”
- Most Pronounced Failure to Protect His Flanks . . . goes to The Uncivil Litigator, who picked a fight with all of the foregoing when he arrived late and declared, "This debate is a perfect example of overanalysis by legal experts leading to nothing other than mass confusion of the issues.”
- Best Recovery After a Failure to Protect His Flanks . . . goes to The Uncivil Litigator, who defended himself later by noting, “A lawyer who does not know how to 'feel' the law is missing some terribly important instincts, unless he happens to live in a jurisdiction which resolves 100% of all civil cases through summary judgment motions.”
And on that note, our awards ceremony comes to an end. After you're safely home and in front of your computer again, be sure to check out Beldar's excellent and entertaining war story, which concludes, "I don't have the same reaction that Mr. Frank or Professor Bainbridge have to the McDonald's coffee verdict. I tend to view it as an aberration, rather than as something indicative of a basic flaw in the law or the civil justice system."