Dear Mr. Schaeffer:
Many months ago, I was assigned to write an important appellate brief by a partner in our 760-lawyer firm who should have known better than to trust me to write it. I hate to sell myself short, but appellate briefs just aren’t my thing. Even though the deadline kept getting nearer, I couldn’t bring myself to work on it. Still, I had to look at the trial transcript each day, which was taking up space on my desk. I simply didn’t know what to do. Finally, I said good-bye to my secretary, took the elevator to the basement of my building, and revved up the engine of my car. I had decided to head west. I was going to Aspen where I planned to become a ski lift operator.
Unfortunately, just before reaching the open road, I made the mistake of turning into Borders. I told myself I was just going to run inside to get a cup of coffee and browse through the men's magazines. In fact, I never left. I can’t explain why. Or maybe I can. Borders just didn’t seem as far away as Aspen and the furniture was really comfortable. As for the rest of my plan, I followed it to the letter. Even though I’m only ten minutes from the office, I never went back. Instead, I’ve been returning to Borders each day where I sit in a cozy leather chair and read the graphic novels. It’s not like I’m completely AWOL. As I said, I’m conscientious. I’ve been checking my Blackberry pretty much every thirty minutes. The strange thing is that even though the appellate brief was due a week ago, I’ve had no word from the law firm. Which brings me to my questions. Do you think I might have been wrong about the due date? Or is it more likely that my Blackberry is broken? And how long do you think I have before the firm quits direct-depositing $2,400 a week into my bank account?
Signed, Living-at-Borders in Baltimore