LAWYER PRODUCTS: The Swingline 390 Heavy Duty Stapler . . . After reading the comments to the last post, I sensed that this weblog needed a bit of lightening up. And what better way to bring a smile to the face of nearly every lawyer, even those engaged in a fierce battle of political wills, than with news of a giant stapler?
Yes, it's the Swingline 390. For only $30, you get all this: powerful stapling of up to 160 pages. Added project efficiency. Full one-inch throat depth. Rubber feet. Adjustable paper guide. And an easy to use front-end jam-clearing mechanism.
Don't even think of stapling your 150-page briefs without it.
Does it have an option for arbitration-only? Because I bet I could pay less than $30 if I accept arbitration-only. :) Or if I could accept their choice of law. Or opt out of punitive damages. :)
This is your way of telling us to lighten up, is it? You remind me of my sainted Uncle Morton, who stapled his forehead to his hand. To his hand! He was never the same after that.
...no, it wasn't the stapling that killed him. It was the obstruction to his eyesight.
He failed to notice a manhole one day, and fell in as he was walking down the street.
...no, it wasn't the fall that killed him. He was trapped down there for two weeks, subsisting on the rats who came too near his one-armed reach, calling intermittently for help. Unfortunately, no-one could hear him because his hand was stapled to his forehead. To his forehead!
...unfortunately, he soon passed away, trapped in the darkness. No, not from starvation or exposure or broken bones or embarassment.
No, it was just the joke was going on too long, so we killed him off.
Posted by: Eh Nonymous | August 16, 2005 at 10:42 PM
What I really want to know is, do you staple your 150-page briefs yourself, or does your secretary do it? And if so, what does *she* think of the stapler?
(yes, I am assuming that you have a secretary)
(yes, I am assuming that your secretary is a woman)
(yes, I think that "legal secretary" is a perfectly fine title for your administrative assistant. Don't get huffy. I do my own stapling, thank you.)
Posted by: The Mommy Blawger | August 19, 2005 at 01:20 PM
Mommy Blawger: As I've been known to finish my briefs on the weekend or late at night when there aren't any secretaries around, I'm definitely not above doing my own stapling. But writing a 150-page brief? No way. I try to follow a formula in which my briefs and memoranda come in at 60% of the court's page limit. It's making my briefs really short that takes so long.
Posted by: Evan | August 19, 2005 at 02:34 PM
As a former legal secretary, I can attest that this is one fine machine. It's surprisingly easy on the carpal tunnels, too. Unfortunately, it's kind of clumsy to operate while driving the briefs over to the courthouse at five minutes to midnight. ;)
Posted by: Marie | August 20, 2005 at 12:15 AM
Just as a stapler will bind paper, love will bind people.
Posted by: Lamar Cole | January 29, 2006 at 03:31 PM