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  • A NEW BOOK BY EVAN SCHAEFFER



    How to Feed a Lawyer (and Other Irreverent Observations from the Legal Underground)

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Comments

Yeoman

At last, the way is finally clear for a legal drama totally devoted to bankruptcy practice, or subrogation suits, or something that has been missed by TV, but which makes up part of our glamourous lives, filled with beauty and excitment . . .

Evan

Yeoman: If it features ERISA, my life will be complete!

Yeoman

ERISA would be good, because it goes by a strange set of letters to start with. Sort of like CSI or ER. TV loves that stuff. The show could simply be called "ERISA".

Lots of young beautiful lawyers would spend an hour every week talking about ERISA. Or arguing about it, but never researching it. One would go to court and yell at the judge, because as we know, tv lawyers, just like the real ones, go to the court and spend about 10 minutes or so per day berating the judge. The judge takes it, because he knows our berating is in the interest of justice. You'd think he'd order the bailiff to haul us out in the street and shoot us, but he doesn't, which is good because we are so interesting and good looking.

Evan

Yeoman: The only thing missing from your show is Roy Black. Sign him up and you're golden.

mythago

As usual, the powerful ERISA lobby crushes shows on more exciting topics, like the Rule Against Perpetuities.

Yeoman

"Yeoman: The only thing missing from your show is Roy Black. Sign him up and you're golden."

Hmmm. . ., good point.

The only problem is that for a drama, Black is an advanced Geezer. No TV drama lawyer should be that old, except for the designated Firm Geezer in the show. The firms are always big, of course, as all lawyers work in really huge firms. The average TV firm has more lawyers in it than the Marine Corps has infantrymen,

Except you don't see them. Apparently only six of them work, and they are all really young, except for the Firm Geezer. His job is to dispense wisdom, frown, and grump it up. Occasionally he calls the judge up, ex partes him, and gets away with it, because it is in the interest of justice.

The rest of the lawyers are all young. I'm figuring, for the sake of realism, Hillary Duff will play the senior most of the active lawyers.

Maybe we could have Black come in and comment. Along with Nancy Grace in case somebody needs to be pronounced guilty, and Greta von Sistern if some deep analysis is needed.

Yeoman

"As usual, the powerful ERISA lobby crushes shows on more exciting topics, like the Rule Against Perpetuities."

Oooo. . ., and that'd be a good episode too. Lots of yelling at the judge. Maybe the judge would yell back about the Rule in Shelley's case.

mythago

Are you allowed to do that on broadcast TV? You might have to save that for the uncut DVD version.

Yeoman

"Are you allowed to do that on broadcast TV? You might have to save that for the uncut DVD version."

And advertise it early in the morning, when the only viewers are actually up looking for the Farm Report. It could be the special "Lawyers Gone Wild" edition, and the young beautiful lawyers could be seen jumping up and down yelling real property doctrine, and obscure points of equity.

"Equity does justice, but not in halves, whoohooo!"

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