GADGET UPDATE: The Helicor Stresseraser . . . You say you can't stand the thought that you have two oral arguments coming up before the 7th Circuit, not to mention six trials, on top of which there's that giant class certification hearing on Monday, in addition to thirty-seven unreturned phone calls from angry clients, plus your brand new car just broke down? Perhaps you need this--

It's the Helicor Stresseraser. Just stick your index finger underneath its little lid and watch the graph chart your actual, real-life level of stress. I guarantee you'll find it very scary. But it will also provide you with what the pointy-headed psychologists (and their crafty marketing partners) call biofeedback, which you can use, over time, to teach yourself to relax. You know, to calm down. To stop squirming all over the place. To get a grip, goddammit!

You know what? Just forget it. I don't believe in this kind of stuff. Just thinking about it makes me mad. Plus they want $299 for the thing. They can keep it. 

Comments

[TP]

Evan,

Biofeedback is a totally legitimate phenomenon. It's kind of a hot-button area of research at some of the more prestigious academic psychology centers in the country.

[Ted]

TP: turn on the "irony" underliner on your web-browser; it should be in the "View" menu. If it's not there, upgrade your browser to one that can read Evan's meta-tags so you can get the joke.

[Stan]

I must admit that the idea of Ted suggesting that a post may be ironic is nothing short of ironic.

[Ted]

The difference is that Evan's funny, whereas your ironic posts look a lot like your serious comments.

[Eh Nonymous]

Oooh, *buuuuuuurn.*

Stan: Ted's right, sometimes you come off as humorless. That is, you have to be able to turn it on and turn it off again, for dramatic effect. Otherwise it's like the guy who's funny because he talks in that silly voice... only that's all he does, and he never stops.

Also, Ted can be very funny, but usually only intentionally.

Also - hey, why all the bitterness? Let's all have some barbecue. Evan, where's the best place in a judicial hellhole for BBQ?

[MeLikey]

I don't get you two. ARe you old retired women bickering on and on in your sad lil' worlds?

[TP]

Thanks for the clarification, Ted, since we all know it is virtually impossible to ever mistake sarcasm or irony over an email or web post.

In short: turn on the "sarcasm" underliner on your web-browser; it should be in the "View" menu. If it's not there, upgrade your browser to one that can read meta-tags so you can get my meaning.

Geez, and you wonder why so many here find you so unappealing.