BECAUSE COLORADO LOOKS TOO MUCH LIKE WYOMING . . . The Uncyclopedia's entry on "How to Become a Lawyer" lists these several "legit reasons to file a lawsuit"--

You ate half a million Chalupas at Taco Bell and it made you fat. Panasonic never said you shouldn't use your microwave to dry off your cat. You called up Earthlink and they had the nerve to put you on hold. Starbucks sold you a Frappucino and you spilled it on your lap, and you got frostbite on your gentiles because brr it was cold. Toys'R'Us sold you a Nerf ball and you tried to swallow it and nearly choked to death. Petco sold you a bag of kitty litter and you ate it and now you have bad breath. Coca-Cold sold you a bottle and you put your finger in it, and it got stuck. Delta Airlines sold you a ticket to New Jersey, and you went there and it sucked. If someone stands you up on a date. If your pizza is delivered 30 seconds late. Duracell never told you not to shove that double-A battery straight up your nose. Home Depot sold you a hammer that they knew you'd drop on your toes. Dell computers sold you a laptop and you took a bath with it and now it doesn't work. Fruit of the Loom sold you tighty-whities and when you put them on your head you look like a jerk. Verizon sold you a cell phone and you get depressed every time it is roaming. You think Colorado looks a little too much like Wyoming. Neiman Marcus puts out their Christmas decorations way out of season. Ben Affleck, aaaaawwwww do you even need a reason?

If this sort of humor appeals to you, there's also the Uncyclopedia's entry on "Lawyer." A sample: "The Lawyer may be recognised by his freshly ironed starched white shirt, long black pants, silk power tie, and a strange tendency to constantly compliment everyone he comes into contact with while simultaneously charging them a small one-time consultation fee of around $147."

If you still haven't had your fill of comic lawyer-bashing, may I humbly suggest some of my own contributions to the genre. Here are just a few from a long career--

• "An Introduction to Lawyers for Those Who Have Not Yet Had the Pleasure of Being Introduced: An Essay in Four Parts."

• "The Collected Four-Part Examination of the Lawyer's Briefcase, One of an Ongoing Series of Essays on 'Things Important to Every Lawyer'"

• "The Circle of Advisors, One of an Ongoing Series of Essays on 'Things Important to Every Lawyer'"

• "A Giant Brain, One in an Ongoing Series of Essays on 'Things Important to Every Lawyer'"

• "A Satisfying Hobby, One in an Ongoing Series of Essays on 'Things Important to Every Lawyer'"

• "Advice to Law Firm Partners #4."

• "Types of Lawyers #11: The Lawyer from the Planet Og."

 

Comments

[Gavin Whenman]

That's a complete lift of the lyrics to a Weird Al song, "I'll Sue Ya".
A copy of the lyrics is available here: http://www.com-www.com/weirdal/illsueya.html

[Evan]

Gavin: You're right. Yet another reason to sue. Except now, I'm going to be getting sued.

I thought that paragraph seemed a cut above some of the other content on Uncyclopedia. Now I know why.

Meanwhile, I clearly need to brush up on my Weird Al. I promise nothing of this sort will happen again.

[Mark Lyon]

Weird Al warned the world that he'd sue you for any number of minor transgressions with those lyrics. I'm fairly certain that reproducing them both here and at the unenecyclopedia will bring him to the point of filing.

Even worse infringement (Are there levels of copyright infringement? Is one type of infringement worse than the other?) of the same work can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKq5d3q8TLU