When I concluded Part 1 of this guide, we were faced with a dilemma. What if you find not one but several lawyers advertising on TV for the type of injury you've suffered?
Let’s imagine that after your house was destroyed by a creeping mold, you fell victim to your insurance company’s too-quick and too-paltry settlement scam. After you failed to get full value for your house, you decided to sue your insurance company.
So far, so good. But when you watch TV to find a lawyer, you see an unending stream of commercials for lawyers calling themselves “Your Too-Quick and Too-Paltry Settlement Scam Specialists.” What do you then? How do you choose which too-quick and too-paltry-settlement-scam lawyer to call, based on nothing other than a TV ad?
While many commentators suggest flipping a coin, my advice differs. All of the lawyers who are advertising on TV will undoubtedly be “experienced” and “competent” and “attorneys you can trust." So far, so good. But I still think you should consider a few other factors.
But you do have options. In choosing your lawyer from TV ads, why not consider the lawyer’s hairstyle and eye color? Since hairstyle and eye color are often altered by stylists, I’d also consider the lawyer’s height and weight.
How does this work in practice? Pretty well, actually. Most commentators agree that lawyers with blue eyes and neatly-combed hair should be selected before lawyers with red eyes and long, unwashed hair. As for height and weight, lawyers usually achieve better results if they stand more than four feet tall and weigh less than 350 pounds.
But I realize there’s a problem with my advice. How can you use hairstyle, hair color, height, and weight as selection criteria if you don’t know what your lawyer looks like?
Lawyers don’t usually appear in their own TV ads. Even if you do get a glimpse of your lawyer in the ad, how can you determine whether what you’re seeing is real? Couldn’t that silver-haired, smooth-talking “lawyer” be just another local actor taking a break from community theater, or perhaps a federal judge who likes to spend his lunch hour trying to recall what it's like to be a regular human being?
After further consideration, I’m going to change my strategy. Go ahead and hire the first lawyer you see advertising on TV. After all, life's a crapshoot, isn't it? It’s not called “jackpot justice” for nothing.
Just hope your new lawyer has been licensed more than six months, knows something about the law of your state, and values good hygiene--especially if you ever hope to meet him in person.