March 15, 2005

The Epic Battle of the Law Firms and the Legal Recruiters: A Recounting of the Way the Pogrom Began

Amid an improved economy and an apparent upturn in lateral hiring, some law firms are trying to shield their associates from the wiles of recruiters offering richer rewards.

Some firms are limiting the contact information about associates provided on their Web sites. Others have deleted biographical and practice area details as well. Still others are said to be scaling back information in law firm directories.

--The National Law Journal, 3/9/05

In an effort to keep competing law firms from poaching their prized associates, some large firms have been trying to shield their associates from the wiles of recruiters offering richer rewards. At first, these efforts were limited to removing biographical information about the associates from law-firm websites. In this way, the law firms thought, coveted information about their associates such as their areas of practice, their e-mail addresses, and their hair colors would remain hidden from the conniving legal recruiters who wanted to steal the associates away from them.

It wasn't long, however, before the legal recruiters simply changed their tactics. In a move that shocked the large law firms, the resourceful legal recruiters bypassed the Internet altogether and began calling associates on the telephone.

Although blindsided by this unexpected change in tactics, the law firms were quick to respond. First, the law firms banned breakfast. Then they quit serving lunch. For what reason? The thinking went like this: If legal recruiters couldn't be prevented from calling the associates on the telephone, at least the law firms could make sure that the associates were too weak to answer the phone.

The hidden costs of this approach were unexpectedly high. Staff members such as file clerks and floating secretaries were required to don Latex gloves and prop up the hungry young associates at their desks until 4 p.m., which was when most legal recruiters usually called it a day and returned home to watch TV. In the evenings, the associates were fed Snickers bars and required to work late into the night, still under strict orders, as always, to bill 2,400 hours each year.

For a while, this approach worked. Advantage, law firms. But soon the forced starvation of the young associates took its toll. Many young associates began to die from exhaustion. While the law firms attempted to keep them alive by announcing that dead associates would no longer be considered for partnership, many associates died anyway, no longer caring about the consequences. Other associates, stemming off death by thinking about the promise of the mansions and yachts that might someday be theirs, began answering their telephones even in their exhausted states, often too weak to remember the details of their resumes.

Advantage, legal recruiters. Once again, however, the law firms sprang into action. In a draconian move that shocked established notions of sportsmanship and fair play, the law firms began confiscating the telephones that their associates were using to engage in the forbidden communications with the legal recruiters. Land-line phones were seized and dumped in landfills. Cellphones were collected by the mailroom staff and beaten to an electronic pulp with heavy metal hammers.

When the associates complained that the lack of a phone meant they would no longer be able to communicate with their clients, the law firms said that it didn’t matter.

"You’re just associates,” the associates were told. “You should have shut your fucking mouths years ago.”

Continue reading "The Epic Battle of the Law Firms and the Legal Recruiters: A Recounting of the Way the Pogrom Began" »

February 21, 2005

Defense to Plaintiff: How Hard Is It to Switch Sides?

Overheard while lurking in the Texas part of the Greedy Associates discussion boards: an analysis of whether it's possible for a defense lawyer to become a plaintiffs' lawyer and still make a decent living.

One Point of View: "Assuming you are a litigator, tort reform has crippled plaintiff's practice. Hanging out your own shingle is more difficult than ever before. Unless you have an established reputation, you'll find very little business 'coming in the door.' You'll need to market yourself extensively. If you can survive and thrive, all the power to you."

And Another: "Success on the other side is not nearly as hard as you might expect. I dumped the big firm lifestyle about 7 months ago after about three years of big firm drudgery and would never look back. Lawyers are terrible marketers, and the field is wide open to bring in more quality clients than you could possibly handle with just a little marketing savvy. Money has not been at all an issue, and I am now in the market for an associate and legal assistant to help me pull my head above water so that I can stop turning down the quality cases potential clients want me to take."

As someone who successfully switched sides, I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. The best opportunities come to those who are owners of their own firms, but many are unable to assume the risk of giving up a certain salary for an uncertain future. And for plaintiffs' lawyers, the future is always uncertain: you might do very well in any given year, successfully paying both your firm's overhead and your own living expenses, but doing this every year is a roll of the dice.

Here's my experience: for every "rich plaintiffs' lawyer" you read about in the newspaper, there are ten who are just getting by. Don't quit that cushy defense job without a solid business plan, the desire to work around the clock, and the ability to absorb a heavy loss.

December 08, 2004

Braggin' Rights: Bryan Cave

What if all those Vioxx cases don't pan out for the plaintiffs' lawyers who spent millions of dollars advertising for them?  The lawyers might go broke.  As I said here, however, one group of lawyers is certain to strike it rich: the defense lawyers.  It's a hunch that's been confirmed by a recent article from Law.com, "Awash in Vioxx Suits, Merck Is Recruiting Big-Time Help," which states:

Merck could pay well over $100 million to outside law firms in 2005 for litigation related to Vioxx, of which the lead firm could get as much as $20 million to $50 million, says one of the company's former legal consultants.

The article specifically mentions these defense firms as possible recipients of Vioxx work: Hughes Hubbard & Reed; Reed Smith; Dechert; Drinker, Biddle & Reath; and Shook, Hardy & Bacon.

One defense firm the article doesn't mention is Bryan Cave, which I can confirm has the Vioxx business in St. Louis and Southern Illinois.  Congratulations to Dan Ball, the senior partner on the files, who once worked at Thompson Coburn and taught me never to write "the exact same" in anything I handed in to him.  It's a redundancy that would drive him nuts, and I've never forgotten the lesson--as well as a number of others.

But it's no time to get teary-eyed and sentimental.  After all, it seems we're soon going to be on opposite sides of some of the exact same cases!

Somewhat related post: Braggin' Rights: Carey & Danis

UPDATE 2/14/04. For all of my collected Vioxx posts, look here. If you are (a) someone who was harmed by Vioxx or (b) a lawyer who wants to refer your Vioxx cases to a highly-competent team of mass-tort lawyers, look here.

June 03, 2004

Did 'Dry, Lifeless Husk' Gregory Evans Attempt to Retrieve His Resignation E-mail?

Last week, an associate at Paul, Hastings, Janofsky, and Walker, LLP resigned with a bitter e-mail that became an instant classic. If you missed the news, the full text of the e-mail is here. (Sample: "I wish you continued success in your goals to turn vibrant, productive, dedicated associates into an aimless, shambling group of dry, lifeless husks.")

Now The Recorder, via law.com, has identified the "apparent" author as Gregory Evans, and quotes a partner at Paul Hastings who says, "It might have been an accident, because he tried to recover it as soon as he sent it." The partner also says all the associates are happy at the firm, or something like that.

I'm not buying it. Everyone knows that dry, lifeless husks are too dry and lifeless to complain. And they don't try to retrieve carefully-drafted e-mails either.

April 06, 2004

When You Can't Think of Anything Nice to Say About Skadden Arps

The last time I faced a lawyer from Skadden Arps, I was deposing an expert in a products case, and I was met with an unending stream of objections, each done in a different tone of voice and with a different inflection, but always containing the same words: "I object to the form of the question." Since there was nothing wrong with my questions, I was initially perturbed, until I realized that my deposition was more than just a little boring and the Skadden lawyer was objecting only to keep himself awake. Since I can relate to being sleep-deprived, the Skadden lawyer and I got along fine after that.

Still, it's fun to pick on Skadden Arps--such a funny-sounding name for such a powerful firm. But now I've learned, in this article from Business Week, that Skadden Arps is John Kerry's "single-biggest cash source." I'm not sure if this means in Washington or in the entire country, but hey, it's something.

Of course, if Skadden is like every other giant law firm, its lawyers have probably hedged their bets by giving George Bush as much or more. So you can slice it either way--say something nice about Skadden Arps or not. Your choice.

February 23, 2004

One Defense Lawyer's To-Do List

It is with some reluctance that I bring you the following actual defense lawyer to-do list, which shines a light on a great many things that are better left in the darkness. So why publish it? First, there’s my sworn duty as a muckraking blawger to uphold; second, I feel obliged to restore the karmic balance of this blawg after having mocked plaintiffs’ lawyers with “The Trial Lawyer’s Prayer.”

Read the to-do list at your own risk, unless you are one of the following, in which case you should stop reading at once: a defense lawyer, the wife of a defense lawyer, or a federal judge (but only because you’re generally humorless; if this doesn’t describe you, please keep reading).

One Defense Lawyer’s To-Do List Upon
Returning from "Depositions" in “Iowa City, Iowa”

1. Check in with secretary; review mail.
2. Call opposing counsel on Ripside matter; apologize again for failing to show up at hearing.
3. Dial wife’s number; hang up during first ring.
4. Call florist; order flowers for wife.
5. Try again to get story straight in head; remember that you “lost” your cell phone and were “too busy to call"; also remember that while talking to wife, you should continually try to change subject to health and well-being of kids.

Continue reading "One Defense Lawyer's To-Do List" »

February 22, 2004

Is This Law Firm Website For Real?

The Powers Phillips web site made the blogger rounds a few years ago, but I must have been working on something important that week, because I didn't learn about it until I saw a recent link at Hold U in Contempt.

When it comes to web marketing, this is a firm that's willing to take big risks. Go there and see for yourself. If you demand an example, here's what the home page says about the firm's litigation lawyers:

Litigation lawyers are the type who will lie, cheat and steal to win a case and who can't complete a sentence without the words "I object" or "I demand another extension on that filing deadline." Many people believe that litigation lawyers are the reason all lawyers are held in such low esteem by the public. Powers Phillips, P.C. is pleased to report that only three of its lawyers, Trish Bangert, Tom McMahon, and Tamara Vincelette are litigation lawyers, and only one of them is a man.

February 20, 2004

Christmas Day at Skadden Arps

From a mad tea-party comes a glimpse of life as a young associate at Skadden Arps. Even if it didn't happen, it could have happened. (Note to Skadden associates: next Christmas, pack a sack lunch.)

February 02, 2004

Summer Associates #2

Should law students hoping to work as summer associates at the nation's largest firms be worried that the work will be too difficult?  Well, no.  Because it's not about the work. It's about . . . . drinking beer.   

I know.  I've been there.  To illustrate, I've used my own experiences as fodder for an ode, written in the voice of the big law firms wooing their summer associates.  As a bonus, my ode comes complete with links to photos of actual summer associates drinking beer:

To Their Coy Summer Associates

They do have world enough, and time
So if they drink, it is no crime.
Maybe a little, perhaps a lot
We'll coo to them: Forget us not;
Here's a Bud to wet your lips
Or maybe Amstel's a bit more hip.
Just keep in mind, we're here for you
(We'll reel you in, then make you blue.)
So drink our beer in plastic cups
And repeat again: Forget us not.
You say a cup's not enough for you?
Then have a pitcher, it's your due.
The summer's young, our goal is fun;
Please have another before you run.
Hide it in your hand if you're uptight
Or advertise your beer in neon lights.
You say a dozen's not enough for you?
Well, hold on, then -- there's a brewery tour.
We'll know you're loose when you act bizarre
And even women smoke cigars.
And then we'll ask you, in a whispered voice:
Hey, Mr. Law Student, have you made your choice?
And you'll be ours, and we'll be yours
(Barring death by drinking, or force majeure).

January 21, 2004

Law Firm Overbilling

Carolyn Elefant at My Shingle provides a link to a SmartBiz.com article with tips for businesses trying to spot overbilling by their lawyers: "Cut Legal Costs: 10 Red Flags that Signal Potential Overbilling." The link to Carolyn's post (and at least three comments by a single skeptical reader) is here.

One of the SmartBiz tips caught my eye: "Friday billing: Most senior partners don't work much on Fridays. If you're being billed for senior partner time on Fridays, be alert."

To the contrary, most senior partners do work on Fridays, and those who don't aren't going to bill their clients as if they did. Frankly, the entire SmartBiz article is a little lame. True, from a client's perspective, there may be some "overbilling" going on from time to time--that is, taking too much time to accomplish a task--but a lot of the SmartBiz article concerns outright fraud. I think billing fraud is very rare, and when it happens, it's not going to take the form described in the SmartBiz article. Or am I just incredibly naive?

In any case, Carolyn's advice to lawyers who bill by the hour is well-founded: look at the SmartBiz tips and "see if any of your billing practices may cause your clients to wonder whether they're being overcharged."

My Photo

Search Legal Underground


Sitemeter


cc