Thursday's Memo to the Defense Team

Still no word from our European friend or his lawyers. Maybe we've scared him off. To make sure, I'd like to add Jenna from Hold U In Contempt to our defense team, then send her overseas to do a little snooping around. She's been a faithful reader of this blawg since its inception; even better, she's a legal investigator with close ties to Johnnie Cochran, who we might need to call upon should my defense involve a glove that doesn't fit.

Now, a second important matter. I'd like you all to do some soul-searching about one of our own, the Curmudgeonly Clerk. Did you see his post yesterday? A few things troubled me about it. First, the Clerk is so smart and witty that he intimidates me. And this is a time when I need to be strong. But there's something else. Look at the Clerk's post again. It's filled with references to Talking Heads songs! I about fell out of my chair when I realized it might be the Clerk who is the David Byrne-infatuated clerk I wrote about the other day. It might be the Clerk who ghost-wrote U.S. v. Abner, the federal decision that got me into this mess in the first place.

Preposterous? I'm not so sure. The circumstantial case is very strong. Isn't he a federal judicial clerk who knows his Talking Heads? And has he ever bothered to tell us who he actually works for, or who he used to work for? Covering his tracks, if you ask me.

So it looks like the Clerk may be conflicted out. If he's going to be a witness, we can't have him on the team. Any suggestions?

Comments

[The Curmudgeonly Clerk]

Much as I might like to be able to take credit for that opinion, I was a mere high school freshman when U.S. v. Abner was released. It's terribly unprofessional, but I would love to see an appellate clerk raise the bar a little higher. Perhaps, trying to weave Ozzy Osbourne song titles into a judicial opinion might present a greater challenge?

[Evan]

Okay, Clerk, you're back on the team. Too bad the team has about run its course, with our European bully having suddenly disappeared. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, please make sure you explain all the Talking Heads allusions in your not-to-be-missed post to Walter Olson and Ted Frank. Those guys weren't placed on the team because they're cool, you know. I'm letting them slide because they're a lot older than you and me. And they're great company for any defendant in a lawsuit.