How to Feed a Lawyer (and Other Irreverent Observations from the Legal Underground)

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David Giacalone

"Nuisance" isn't exactly the right term. How about "(undeserved) guilt-generator" cum "useful prod to self-reflection"?

About your movie companion: Are we to assume, given your current habits, that the companion was also a former spouse? Curious nuisances want to know.


Let's theorize that my former partner, with whom I attended the movie, is also a former spouse. Now let's try to prove the theory with some deductive reasoning. Is it likely that my present partner, who is also my present spouse, would appreciate my attending a movie with a former partner who is also a former spouse? Answer: no. So the theory must be wrong. And it is. My former partner is not a former spouse.


On the subject of extentions and continuances:

The Friday before my Saturday wedding, a surprise call to appear for a jury trial the following Monday had me at the courthouse, sweating bullets even though my continuance motion was unopposed. The presiding judge peered over his bifocals at me from the bench, whereupon the following proceedings ensued:

"Mr. Dyer, is this your first motion for continuance in this case?"

"Yes, your honor!"

"Mr. Dyer, is this your first marriage?"

"Yes, your honor!"

"Very well, motion granted. But don't ever let me see you in my court making a continuance motion on this same ground again!"

The judge was, of course, yanking my chain. But as it turned out, I picked a jury in the case two days after my honeymoon ended.

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