How to Feed a Lawyer (and Other Irreverent Observations from the Legal Underground)

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For a while there I was worried I would spend most of my first-year associate's salary on things like food and student loan payments, but now that I know I'm guaranteed at least a hundred billion dollars from my degree I'm going to head over to the yacht showroom after class.


Bacon: I don't know about the boat showrooms where you live, but around here, all the yachts were snapped up months ago. When I navigate mine down the Mississippi River, those 15-barge tows have to steer around me. Yours sincerely, Captain Schaeffer

Ryan Jensen

I must be missing something. What's wrong with being able to buy your own airplane and fly down to Mexico for a little getaway? Just because the author of the letter can't do it means that no one should be able to do it? I thought this was America?


Buying just one airplane? And you call yourself a lawyer? Now almost two years out of law school, I have just closed on the purchase of an entire airline. Now I can fly myself and 100 or so of my best friends and strangers to Mexico or other warm places. Because I am still wet behind the ears, it is only a regional airline (10 turboprops and 3 jets). But I think by next year I will be able to buy all of the old Pan Am jets.


Ryan and Dave: You're both right. Perhaps I'm not being greedy enough. I think I'd like both an entourage and an airline, and also an entire country. Mexico bores me. What do you think about Argentina?


I hear Europe is GREAT this time of year, what with the price of France and Germany plummeting last year. If you're only in your first two years of law practice, though, I'd resist the temptation to include eastern Europe, and limit your real estate purchases to wide swaths of western Europe and parts of the British Isles.

Anyone know what the going rate for New Zealand is these days?


For all your complaining about how your local papers treat local lawyers, that sure was a wet sloppy kiss the Alton Telegraph gave Stephen Tillery: a lengthy profile of the light cigarette case, citing five pro-plaintiff folks, no defense folks, and no indication how unethical, illegal, and outrageous that class action was.


Ted: You're right. I am a complainer lately. I'll try to keep that in check.

(By the way, the Alton Telegraph article you mention can be found here, for anyone who's interested.)


Ted: Here's some more about the Alton Telegraph over the weekend. I looked at the print version, and there were four stories on page 1: (a) "Doctor exodus threatens hospitals" (above the fold); (b) an article about a career conference for middle-schoolers; (c) "A year later, tobacco opponents continue fight" (the article you mention and I link to); and (d) "Philip Morris appeal pending."

That last article apparently isn't online, but contains extensive quotes from John Mulderig, "counsel with Altria Corporate Services," as well as long quotes from the Philip Morris website.

Anyway, I thought you might want to know that the "wet sloppy kiss" was planted by a newspaper with its fingers crossed in a story just to the right, not to mention above the fold.

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