How to Feed a Lawyer (and Other Irreverent Observations from the Legal Underground)

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From the publisher, I got the first few lines of Dan Brown's new book, The Yeast Conundrum:

It was a dark and stormy night outside the 57th Street Italian Bakery. The bakery was closed, and Msgr. Howard and Fr. Smith had just come from a meeting in the basement. Now they stood on the curb, finishing up their discussion of the works of Thomas Merton.

It was then that they received their first shock of the evening.

From the shadows of an alley, a crazy-eyed woman, blonde-haired and dressed in green, ran up to them. "Wonder Bread!" she screamed. "I know why they call it Wonder Bread!"

Msgr. Howard and Fr. Smith exchanged knowing glances. As one, they reached out for the woman to restrain her. But it was too late. A shot rang out, and the woman fell dead in their arms.

Msgr. Howard laid the woman gently on the sidewalk. "I am sorry, my friend," he said to her. Then he turned to Fr. Smith. "It is time."

"Yes," Fr. Smith replied. His voice quivered with fear. "I will tell the others. It is time."

To be continued . . .


I recently saw a very forgetable movie with one good line: The citizenry of a small town was discussing a miraculous vision of the Virgin Mary on an a taco, when a local skeptic said (approx.), "I don't get it; if you're gonna do a miracle, why not something more important than a taco appearance?" Where does moldy toast come on the significance continuum?


I still maintain that it's Jean Harlow rather than the Blessed Virgin.


Or Michelle Pfeiffer? Or Jessica Lange? That would explain why they appeared on toast, as opposed to something more significant like the side of one of Donald Trump's buildings.

David Giacalone

I hope this isn't too cheesey: I just discovered in my DaVinci Code study guide that Groucho Marx stole his oft-quoted line from St. Joseph: "I knew Mary before she was a virgin."


I'm afraid you got swindled by the publisher... That's the problem with you lawyers, too trusting by half...
It takes only the first paragraph to know that this was not written by Dan Brown.

And the mystery isn't the number of eBay hits, or the old age, it's the fact that it was eventually sold for a $28K bid.

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