Evan Schaeffer's Legal Underground

Favorite Things: Computers

It was back in grade school, sometime in the early 1970s, that the principal informed us over the intercom that the district had obtained a "computer," which was going to tour from school to school so that everyone would have a chance to see it. My school had the computer for just a week, and we were ushered into the principal's office only once. There, we were trained to excel in a game called "Moon Lander." Do you remember it?

There were no graphics, of course, but only text--mostly numbers. All my classmates crashed into the moon. Later, in high school, we would play Star Trek over the district's time-sharing network. Old-timers will remember how you connected the local teletype machine to the distant mainframe by inserting a telephone into a tight-fitting rubber device.

Star Trek was text-based, too, although the text printed out into arrays that suggested graphics. On a shelf behind my desk, I actually have the code to Star Trek, written in Basic: it's on page 157 of Basic Computer Games, by David H. Ahl, copyright 1978. I once typed it into my first "microcomputer"--the Amstrad PC6400 shown in the picture. I bought the Amstrad when I was in law school. It had "dual floppies"--that is, no hard drive--and it came with three operating systems: MS-DOS, Digital Research's DOS-Plus, and CP/M. It's still in the basement, and I still boot it up from time to time.

In 1990, when I started working at a law firm, I took my Amstrad with me and set it on my desk. Many of the partners were openly derisive: if I insisted on typing, which was a secretary's job, I must remember to keep the door shut. Within two years, however, all of those partners had PCs on their desks, and were attending mandatory classes on how to turn them on.

Although my story is not unique to anyone near my age who was a hobbyist (see this short article, for example, which I just found), I'd like to write a long essay someday about my lifelong attachment to computers, interspersed with the stories that are told in the advertisements contained in the stacks of Computer Shopper magazines I have stored in the basement, just in case I ever need them.

Maybe I'll write the essay on the Amstrad.

[Below the Fold: Other "favorite things" posts]

Law-Related Things That Suck: Getting Indicted

Today's Law-Related Thing That Sucks: Getting Indicted. Take it from me, it sucks. Not that I've ever been indicted. But I've known people who have, and they all tell me to avoid it at all costs.

For more reasons not to get indicted, you've got to listen to the audio. You can listen to it by clicking on the link to the MP3 or by subscribing to the Legal Underground Podcast with this RSS feed. Use iPodder or a similar product.

The music and effects were assembled with Acid Pro 3.0. If you'd like to record an entry for Monday's Law-Related Things That Suck, I'll accept wav, mp3, or DSS files. Just keep it under two minutes, and I'll jazz it up in accordance with this website's stellar production standards and host it on the site.

The Monday Morning Books Blogging Post

This Week: Copyeditors, American Idol, Jonathan Franzen, and More

If Your Target Audience Is Petty Thieves, It Just Might Work An inventive publicity campaign in which 150 copies of a book were left in San Francisco, Chicago, and New York with a note: "I left this book here intentionally for you to find . . ." [Maud Newton]

In His Latest Novel, the Protagonist Is Named "Teabag" An appreciation of the fiction of Sam Lipsyte. [The Elegant Variation]

This One Are Is Funny One copyeditor's ambitions to mark up the Great American Novel, courtesy of The Onion. [Rake's Progress]

American Idol, the Small Press Book Edition You're going to a Barnes & Noble table display! [GalleyCat]

In Which Jonathan Franzen Is Warned About Hollywood News about his movie deal, and a caution. [Conversational Reading]

The Real Tragedy Is That In His Mixed-Up Mind, the Teddy Bear Thinks He's Angelina Jolie

According to the BBC News, as well as other news sources around the world, mental health advocates are protesting the Vermont Teddy Bear Company's "Crazy About You" teddy bear, which is wearing a straightjacket and comes with its own commitment papers.

Meanwhile, the president of the Vermont Teddy Bear Company has apologized for the Valentine's Day bear, but will continue to sell it because the right to "free expression" is at stake. 

You can own one of the cuddly symbols of freedom yourself for only $69.95. Shipping not included.

Weekly Law School Roundup #46

This Week: The Beatles Edition, In Which Your Editor Highlights Gobs of Other Posts While Simultaneously Constructing a Playlist of Beatles Songs, Even Though If Forced to Choose Between the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, He'd Choose the Rolling Stones

She Loves Me A tale about perseverance. [Soupie's BBQ and Daycare]

Fool on the Hill A new feature is born: "The retarded blog of the week." [Naked Drinking Coffee]

Your Mother Should Know Guest posts by Mom are all the rage, and this one was excellent. [The Neutral Zone Trap]

Help! A blogger poses a question about a Steve Miller song. [divine angst]

We Can Work It Out What's come between Rufus and the Hot Librarian? [A Season of Mists]

You Like Me Too Much A weblogger wonders why so many people he doesn't know are reading his weblog. [inquire within]

Eight Days a Week Why working in a large firm is not for everyone. [The Prejudicial Effect]

With a Little Help From My Friends An amazingly honest post inspires an outpouring of support. [Will Work For Favorable Dicta]

Everybody's Trying to Be My Baby Here's a reason one woman isn't digging all the attention, while conceding, "Maybe I am naive about men." [RawLaw]

Things We Said Today An example of silly, but clever, law-school humor. [mellow-drama]

Baby, It's You Meet the designer of that "which tort are you" virus. [Iowa Law Girl]

I Want to Tell You A self-aware account of why one blogger blogs. [Death in the Afternoon]

Do You Want to Know a Secret A story about a restaurant that recycled its salads. [The Slithery D]

Sun King What do you think about winter tans? [Clearly Erroneous]

Twist and Shout There's a reason why fidgeters are skinny. [Law Dork]

Everybody's Got Something to Hide The things that go on beneath a wedding dress. [ambulance chaser, 1/25/05]

Good Day Sunshine That's one cute baby. [From Engineer to Lawyer]

I'm Looking Through You A new weblog banner that will give you the creeps. [Half-Cocked]

Don't Pass Me By A collection of links to some great guest posts published on the ACS Blog. [ambivalent imbroglio]

Paperback Writer Advice about writing law-review comments. [Sua Sponte]

Next Week: The Hank Williams, Sr., Edition, which might sound boring to you, but which won't be boring to me. Besides, it's either that or "Movies of Roger Corman."

The Vioxx Team: Please Call Us

If you are someone who was injured by Vioxx, please e-mail me. You can also read information about my law firm, Schaeffer & Lamere, at our website.

If you are a lawyer with Vioxx clients, my team of Vioxx lawyers, which includes a few other firms, will be happy to talk to you about a referral arrangement. Together, we have as much combined experience working on mass torts as any firm in the country; this experience, which includes litigating in trial, stems from our work on asbestos, fen-phen, Redux, Baycol, Rezulin, and Serzone cases. We have a proven track record of keeping cases in state court that we would be happy to share with you. Please call me, Evan Schaeffer, at (618) 467-8200, and I will set up a phone conference or face-to-face meeting so that we can share our mass-tort philosophy with you and talk about a referral arrangement. The team has already filed hundreds of Vioxx cases, and we're always happy to take on more.

My collected Vioxx posts are here.

The Collected Vioxx Posts

Here are my posts about Vioxx, listed in reverse chronological order, i.e., most recent first:

• The Vioxx Settlement Agreement: Where to Find the Text
• Global Vioxx Settlement May Be Announced Today
• Upcoming Vioxx Trials
• Merck, Vioxx, and Privilege
• Upcoming Vioxx Trials
• Upcoming Vioxx Trials
• New Vioxx Verdict (Humeston II, $47.5 million)
• Upcoming Vioxx Trials
• When Does a Statute of Limitations = News?
• A Discussion About Vioxx with Two Plaintiffs' Lawyers
• New Jersey Vioxx Plaintiff to Get New Trial
• Vioxx Trials in New Jersey: What to Expect in 2007
• Vioxx's 18-Month Danger Threhold: Once a Myth, Always a Myth
• Upcoming Vioxx Trials
• The Vioxx Litigation, as Seen by Merck
• New Jersey Vioxx Verdict: Merck Failed to Warn
• Former Merck CEO to Testify Live at Vioxx Trial
• A Strange Way to Try a Case
• Merck Stock Off on Astounding News from the New England Journal of Medicine
• Vioxx Trials Popping Up All Over
• Full Transcript of the AEI Vioxx Event
• The 18-Month Vioxx Myth
• The New Jersey Vioxx Trial: Why the Plaintiff Lost
• Merck Wins a Round
• Say Something Nice About Vioxx in a "Testimonial"
• In Defense of the Jury System (transcript of my speech at the AEI)
• On Surviving the Lion's Den (comments about my speech at the AEI in Washington);
• Into a Lion's Den
• (Mis)Quoted in The Economist
• Vioxx Overload
• Podcast: Will It Be Bankruptcy for Merck?
• The Good Guys Win
• Vioxx and Arrhythmias
• Vioxx Funny Business?
• A Vioxx Team Update
• No Good News for Merck
• Merck and Its Critics
• Vioxx News: Gilmartin Resigns
• Another Vioxx Remand Order
• News Flash: Reintroduction of Vioxx Given Green Light by FDA
• Braggin' Rights: The Vioxx Team
• Vioxx Rumor of the Day: The Eastern District of Louisiana Will Get the MDL Action
• Did John Grisham Write This Vioxx-Related Press Release?
• Act Now, Before They Get Sued!
• Braggin' Rights: Bryan Cave
• Vioxx Scam Shocks the World: Lawyers Are Declared Guilty by Association
• Where's the MDL Panel Meeting Today? Read On to Find Out
• Is Walter Olson Running Out of Material?
• Merck CEO Raymond Gilmartin: Bankruptcy Is Not an Option
• Live From the Vioxx Conference in Pasadena, California
• Weekly Report #42: Life Goes On
• Query: Why Isn't Merck Management Cooperating With the Press Regarding Vioxx?
• Interesting Facts About the Vioxx Fiasco From Fortune Magazine
• A Question for Readers: What Do You Want to Know About the Vioxx Case?
• Is the FDA a Toothless Watchdog?

UPDATE 2/14/04. If you are a lawyer desiring to refer a Vioxx case, look here.

Weblog Review: Pete Holiday

Weblog of the Week: Pete Holiday

Why I Like It:  It was Abnu of Wordlab who first turned me on to Pete Holiday. And as soon as I saw that Pete's weblog featured testimonials about the author, which I thought was funny for some reason, I knew I was going to like it.

So I've known the secret for a long time: there's always something amusing going on at Pete's weblog. According to his bio, Pete's a fifth-year computer-science major at the University of Alabama. He also hopes to be going to law school like his friend Matt Schuh. (Although he was accepted by the Indiana University School of Law, Pete didn't start this year as planned. Links to all of Pete's law-school posts are collected here.)

Except for rare instances, however, Pete Holiday has nothing to do with "the law." Instead, I'd call it more of a showcase for Pete's witty personality.

Recommended Reading: I recommend all of Pete's posts. But if you absolutely must have a sampling, here you go, keeping in mind that three posts won't do justice to Pete's site:

1. Looking for a job, Pete writes a "Help Willing" ad.

2. Pete explains how to blog.

3. Pete shows his support for the U.S. Olympic women's beach volleyball team.

The Legal Underground Word of the Week: Champerty

Today's Legal Underground Word of the Week, Champerty, is read by Kevin Heller, the Tech Law Advisor. You can hear the production as an MP3 or as a podcast by subscribing to this RSS feed with iPodder or a similar product. To learn more about Kevin, one of my best blogging-lawyer friends, see his recent biographical post, "900 Days and Counting."

The music was assembled with Acid Pro 3.0. If you'd like to participate in my audio-blogging word-of-the-week project, simply choose a suitable word from Black's Law Dictionary, record yourself reading it, and then send it to me in mp3 or wav format. I'll set it to music for all the world to hear--at no charge!

By the way, the Legal Underground's assorted audio posts are being collected in a directory at Podcast.net.

Advice to Law Firm Partners #7

Dear Mr. Schaeffer:

I recently suffered a humiliating embarrassment, but with your help, it just might turn out to have a silver lining. I’m one of the older lawyers at my law firm—72, to be exact—but I’m still sharp as a tack. Even so, I emerged last week from the men’s room on the 57th floor with a “toilet paper streamer” hanging from the waist of my slacks. At my age, you’ve got to laugh at life's little challenges, but I must admit, it wasn’t easy in this case. As I learned later, the streamer went all the way to the floor, and it stayed there most of the afternoon, much to the amusement of the firm’s junior associates. I had no idea they were laughing at me, thinking their amusement had more to do with the old jokes I love to share with them, which I learned as a boy when I’d go to vaudeville shows with my father.

Anyway, to get on with my story, my father passed away long ago, as did my wife, God rest her soul. Whenever I think about slowing down, I realize how lonely I’d be cooped up at home each day all by myself. I don’t want that. But I’m digressing and I apologize. I’ll move on to the silver lining. At about three in the afternoon on the day of my embarrassing incident, one of our cute young secretaries, whom I’ll call “Susan,” tapped me on the shoulder and discretely informed me of my predicament, i.e., she whispered to me about the toilet paper. I realize that by all things right and proper, I should have been incredibly embarrassed by what had happened, but I was so taken by Susan’s blue eyes, long eyelashes, and blonde hair, not to mention how good she smelled so close to my face, that I retrieved the streamer, balled it up, and disposed of it in the trash receptacle without even blushing.

Much to my amusement, however, Susan was blushing—she must have realized that I’ve long had my eye on her! To learn that my infatuation for Susan was being returned was quite a pleasant development in my life, let me tell you, even if it did come at the expense of one hell of an embarrassing situation. But it’s caused another small problem. As a token of my appreciation for what Susan did for me, I want to present her with a gift—something containing some gold, I think, as well as some small diamonds. Having had lots of experience buying jewelry for my wife, God rest her soul, I can handle this part of my task, but about the rest of it, I’m a little uncertain. Here’s my conundrum. When I present the gift to Susan, I also want to ask her out to dinner. But I’m not sure what to say.

I’ve heard, Mr. Schaeffer, that you know a thing or two about connecting with the younger generation. Even though Susan’s only 26, I’d really like her to be my new companion. Just thinking of the surprise the members of my Tuesday lunch club will display when I introduce her to them is making me tremble with anticipation. Do you think you can help?

Signed, Love-Struck in Lower Manhattan