How to Feed a Lawyer (and Other Irreverent Observations from the Legal Underground)

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This summer when I studying abroad, Justice Scalia was a guest speaker to our group. There were about thirty five law students, maybe five teachers, and a few other americans that were on the island that were invited to listen to what ole Scalia had to say.

Well, during the speech he asked the group a question - something about the branches of the government, something vague, and no one answered. And he stopped, waiting for someone to answer. I am compusive in this sort of situation, and I will always answer such a question if no one else does. I raised my hand (I was in the way back of the room passing notes), he indicated for me to speak, and I said, "Congress?" (which looking back was obviously the wrong answer, but I couldn't help it, I had to answer and it was the first one that came to mind, he kinda made me nervous).

Scalia's response? A resounding, "NO! OF COURSE NOT! THE COURTS!"
I didn't really appreciate his tone of voice. But the first judge to yell at me. Good place to start, can't get much worse.


Now that's a good story!


How come your voice sounds so good and mine SUCKS?


Kevin: I have no idea. Too much whiskey and cigarettes?


It can even suck to be present when the judge yells at another lawyer.

I was once at a conference where a rather weeny lawyer, for some odd reason, started to complain to the Judge about a ruling he'd just made. By the end of it, it was like watching a yelling match between sailors and Marines. It went something like this.

(*(*& Judge, give me a break!

(*&(*& you (*&&( don't ever (*&(*&(*& in my (*&(*& courtroom, you mother*(&(*& SOB!

Oh yeah! Well I don't have to take that kind of (*&(*& talk.

Well you sure do you mother(*&(*& (*&(*& (*&*(&. You are in contempt!

Huge pause. . .

Another lawyer; Um,. . .well turning to the next motion. . .

It really sucked.

Carolyn Elefant

Thank you for not blaming the secretary for the "snafu." I don't think I could keep reading your blog if you did - (See this link - http://www.law.com/jsp/law/sfb/lawArticleSFB.jsp?id=1107550994257)
Carolyn Elefant

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