How to Feed a Lawyer (and Other Irreverent Observations from the Legal Underground)

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This appears to be first lines from novels...Sound and Fury, Vanity Fair, Confederacy, Horse Whisperer, others?


Jespard: You're on the right track. You must be very smart!

But "Horse Whisperer"? Where did you get that? And it's "A Confederacy of Dunces." Full titles are important.


You've taken your own "artwork:"

painted it orange, and scattered it about some truly classic writing where it doesn't belong (analogy of the fine novels, at least some of them Pulitzer winners, to the beautiful Central Park). While your work certainly has merit, especially when placed in the correct context, and not painted that rather dreadful orange, it obscures an already beautiful scene when forced where it doesn't belong. You then create atrificial scarcity by claiming "for a limited time only!" and attempt to cash in by selling a few remnants/notes. After all, this is art!

A fine parody indeed.


And that's "Infinite Jest" by David Foster Wallace, for the record.


Paul: Very good analysis. You're another one who's obviously very smart.

Now that you've almost cracked the code, all you have to do is name the works alluded to (except for mine) in the correct order.


House of Mirth / Edith Wharton
The Sound and the Fury / William Faulkner
Vanity Fair / William Makepeace Thackeray
Confederacy of Dunces / John Kennedy Toole
Infinite Jest / David Foster Wallace


Evan I emailed my answer. Didn't want to spoil the fun if I was right. But by the time I finished the email - there were already numerous comments.

Oh well.

Good job.


Brad: Apparently, Jespard and Paul ganged up on you.

Jespard and Paul: You're both winners. While I suppose I could make you share the award--and could even hold it in trust for you--I wouldn't think of being so selfish. So you should each let me know via comment or e-mail which of the prizes you want: an original copy of Artful Dodge 38/39, which contains, in addition to my story "Artwork," an interview with Tess Gallagher; or a reprint of my law review article, Compulsory Consolidation of Commercial Arbitration Disputes, St. Louis University Law Journal, Vol. 33, No. 2 (1989), which contains nothing but a bunch of fucking gibberish.

Choose wisely!


Ah. I attempted to incorporate Jespard's list by pointing out that the horsewhisperer was incorrect, and that Ifinite Jest should take its place. Alas. At any rate, he has now posted the correct order it seems pointless to repeat it.


Paul: By the way, I thought your analysis was right on target. It means you have a future as an English professor, since they're trained to ferret out codes and hidden meanings and can do it even when they're not there.

The only thing no one mentioned (and it's terrible form for me to explain my own joke) is that the novels I picked were chosen for a reason--their titles echo, in a sense, some of my favorite reactions to "The Gates."


Evan, one word: Google.


JMOORE: Of course Google! I designed it to be solved with Google, and I tested it myself beforehand. Google is sort of amazing like that. Use it to design complex puzzles. Use it to send secret messages! More later . . . Right now, I'm busy [google "we'll get the elephants" to complete the sentence.]

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