How to Feed a Lawyer (and Other Irreverent Observations from the Legal Underground)

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Eh Nonymous

Does it have an option for arbitration-only? Because I bet I could pay less than $30 if I accept arbitration-only. :) Or if I could accept their choice of law. Or opt out of punitive damages. :)

This is your way of telling us to lighten up, is it? You remind me of my sainted Uncle Morton, who stapled his forehead to his hand. To his hand! He was never the same after that.

...no, it wasn't the stapling that killed him. It was the obstruction to his eyesight.

He failed to notice a manhole one day, and fell in as he was walking down the street.

...no, it wasn't the fall that killed him. He was trapped down there for two weeks, subsisting on the rats who came too near his one-armed reach, calling intermittently for help. Unfortunately, no-one could hear him because his hand was stapled to his forehead. To his forehead!

...unfortunately, he soon passed away, trapped in the darkness. No, not from starvation or exposure or broken bones or embarassment.

No, it was just the joke was going on too long, so we killed him off.

The Mommy Blawger

What I really want to know is, do you staple your 150-page briefs yourself, or does your secretary do it? And if so, what does *she* think of the stapler?

(yes, I am assuming that you have a secretary)
(yes, I am assuming that your secretary is a woman)
(yes, I think that "legal secretary" is a perfectly fine title for your administrative assistant. Don't get huffy. I do my own stapling, thank you.)


Mommy Blawger: As I've been known to finish my briefs on the weekend or late at night when there aren't any secretaries around, I'm definitely not above doing my own stapling. But writing a 150-page brief? No way. I try to follow a formula in which my briefs and memoranda come in at 60% of the court's page limit. It's making my briefs really short that takes so long.


As a former legal secretary, I can attest that this is one fine machine. It's surprisingly easy on the carpal tunnels, too. Unfortunately, it's kind of clumsy to operate while driving the briefs over to the courthouse at five minutes to midnight. ;)

Lamar Cole

Just as a stapler will bind paper, love will bind people.

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