How to Feed a Lawyer (and Other Irreverent Observations from the Legal Underground)

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I guess the answer depends on wheter you're one of those types who believes that all lawyers are crooks.


Evan, I'd say your post is smartassy enough that your wife now has grounds to lawfully hit you in the chops.

Eh Nonymous

I regularly jaywalk.

I also may be committing criminal copyright violation every time I copy and attribute text on my blog. Although that's only if you believe the most aggressive proponents of owner's rights. :)

To amplify UA's comment, supra, I'm a plaintiffs' class action lawyer, which is not only offensive but a capital offense according to some members of the business community.


I'm a trial lawyer, so guess that makes me worse than a petty criminal according to some.....


I'm a tenant's side lawyer (in addition to my other hats). So as the landlords say, I'm stealing money from the mouth's of their [insert someone] and causing all ills of any given neighborhood.

The Law Fairy

First-year civil litigator here. While I stay in shape by working out regularly, I doubt I'd be able to take out your wife *and* kids if I ever decided to attack them in your home. Plus I'm in California. Really, we have nice enough places to rob on the beach, plus we don't have to put up with that nasty midwestern weather.

And aren't "people who read weblogs" really just like "people who watch television," only a titch more tech-savvy?

Evan's Crazy Wife

You have some nerve Evan. No one should announce to the world of unknown people when they're going to be out of town. I really doubt that criminals would "sign in." As far as your desire to meet up with people out of town, do you expect me to feel sorry for you? I don't. And, do criminals or "soon to be" criminals read weblogs, maybe not yours, but certainly they read some. I know of one extreme example, but I won't specify it because the gravity of the crime was such that I don't think that it would be respectful to the victims' families. It was a crime directly linked to the use of weblogs -- you should remember the crime. Oh, and I do think your post was smartassy. Love, Your Crazy Wife


Andrea: Don't worry, you're not crazy. And you have some good points. But didn't you notice that a few criminals did check in? Not any of the really bad ones, I'll admit, but at least a few plaintiffs' lawyers (or as we call them, "the competition.") Sure it's just a start, but I'm telling you, if we work together we can defeat the criminal element who's added Legal Underground to their RSS readers. On the other hand, I don't think we should do it by talking to each other in the comment section of this weblog, lest any criminally-minded readers get the idea that it's the most convenient way to talk because I'm out of town. I'll be downstairs in a few minutes and we can talk about it in person. If you notice that I'm walking funny--darting among the pieces of furniture in a crouch--that's only to avoid readers who might be looking in the windows. I'll be down in about five minutes. If you still love me, please have another pot of coffee ready. Love, Your Devoted Husband and Hard-Working Law Partner


Andrea, remember: You can't guarantee that you will pull a jury consisting entirely of wives.


Mythago: You think she might be thinking of offing me? Please don't encourage her--I was only teasing!


Don't be silly, Evan; juries can be called in for all sorts of cases.


I'm planning to hit your house next week. Not sure if I can fit it in on Wednesday; perhaps Thursday.


As a lawyer who represents individual plaintiffs in personal injury lawsuits, I believe I have already been identified as a terrorist. So while not your garden variety criminal, I am dangerous - at least according to Hank Greenberg.

But you can feel safe - the Administration has decided that Mr. Greenberg's statement constitutes sufficient cause to wiretap my phones and tail me daily. They'll let you know if I'm close, I bet.


Now that this thread has moved sufficiently down the page, I'll comment in the hope that no criminals actually see this. Evan, Andrea is right. It's just good personal security. Seriously.

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