The Sixteen Types of Lawyers, and Other Observations from a Lawyer with a Weblog: Inside The Legal Underground

I always wondered what my more whimsical blog posts would look like if they were organized less like a weblog and more like a book. They'd look something like this (***but first, see the "Update" at the end of this post).

TABLE OF CONTENTS

 I. The Sixteen Types of Lawyers

• The Big Firm Summer Associate
  
• The Lawyer Who Advertises on TV 
• The Lawyer Who Carries Another Lawyer’s Briefcase 
• The Lawyer Who Brings Her Breast Pump to the Office 
• The Mafia Lawyer 
• The Modest Lawyer 
• The Partner Who Talks Too Fast 
• The Partner Who Golfs 
• The Lawyer on the Run 
• The Lawyer Who's in the Wrong Profession 
• The Lawyer from the Planet Og 
• The Lawyer Who's Writing a Legal Thriller 
• The Stereotypical Lawyer 
• The Associate Who Knows Where the Bodies Are Buried 
• The Lawyer with the Shiny New Gadget 
• The Associate Who Finally Gets a Chance to Meet the Senior Partner

II. An Introduction to Lawyers for Those Who Have Not Yet Had the Pleasure of Being Introduced

An Introduction to the Typical Lawyer

How to Feed a Lawyer

How to Dress a Lawyer

Living with a Lawyer

III. Four Things That Are Important to Every Lawyer

The Lawyer's Briefcase

The Circle of Advisors

A Giant Brain

A Satisfying Hobby

IV. Bling Bling for Wealthy Lawyers

Watches

Big-Ass Yachts

High Class Call Girls

V. The Advice Section

Advice to Clients of Lawyers

• "Last night in a fit of rage . . ."

Advice to Young Lawyers

 

• "I am a young female attorney . . ."
• "I have been assigned to work on a large project . . ."
• "Sometimes when things get particularly stressful . . . "
• "I’m a third-year associate in a firm of 2,500 lawyers . . ."
• "I am a lawyer who recently became engaged to a woman . . ."
• "This week on Legal Underground, you said you doubted . . ."
• "I’m a young male associate who’s wondering if . . ."
• "I love literature of all kinds . . ."
• "I hope you think this is a problem . . ."
• "As a second-year associate at a large law firm . . ."
• "Back when my new girlfriend Kristen . . ."
• "I should have thought twice about . . ."
• "Two hours ago I was sitting . . ."
• "Many months ago, I was assigned to . . ."
• "I’m in a terrible bind . . ."

Advice to Families of Lawyers

• "I’m a 15-year-old high school freshman . . ."
• "I’ve never doubted that I’m much . . ."
• "With only minor exceptions, I am a perfect husband . . ."

Advice to Law Professors

• "I am having a major dispute . . ."
• "I've lost faith in our country’s system . . ."

Advice to Federal Judges

• "By way of introduction, I am one of the hardest-working . . ."
• "On the way into work this morning . . ."
• "I am a federal judge who has a weblog . . ."

Advice to Law Firm Partners

• "For years, I have never had any problem . . ."
• "Not long ago, I introduced my fairly ordinary wife . . ."
• "I’m writing using a pseudonym . . ."

VI. Debates Between the Experienced Lawyer and the Law Student

Overlawyered.com

Class Actions

Willie Gary and Dickie Scruggs

Point of Law

VII. Some Personal Reminiscences

When I Was Just a Little Boy, or How I Became a Lawyer

A Few of My Favorite Things

Computers

The Fender Jaguar Electric Guitar

Drinking, Smoking, & Screwing

A Detour for Shameless Name-Dropping: Christopher Hitchens

Are You Open-Minded Enough for Norman Mailer on Iraq?

Some Travel Writing

Prague Blog #5: A Guided Tour of Prague

How to Spend a Month in Buenos Aires

Mexico City, Trip 1

Mexico City, Trip 2

The Horror of One Lawyer's First Deposition

Life on the Mississippi, or One Lawyer's Gambling Confession

Blawg Review #38: Secrets of the Legal Underground, Revealed

VIII. The Best of the Rest

The Trial Lawyer’s Prayer

A Layman’s Glossary to the Terminology of Tort Reform

Partnership, a Story

The Epic Battle of the Law Firms and the Legal Recruiters: A Recounting of the Way the Pogrom Began

Fun Comments about the McDonald's Coffee Case

Tragedy Strikes the Blawging World: Fifty of the Best Perish

Is TheBarAfterWork a Valuable Networking Tool or Just for the Drunks?

How I Became A Famous Weblogger and Achieved Rock Star Status as a Lawyer

***UPDATE 2012: Finally, I really did turn this blog into a book. The contents are a little different than what's presented in this post. Check it out: How to Feed a Lawyer (and Other Irreverent Observations from the Legal Underground).

Comments

[Yeoman]

A list of classics!

[Yeoman]

I miss the days when you used to write these sort of entries.

I realize, of course, that times change. But. . . these were classics.